she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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