I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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