you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
