Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
