Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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