hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
