You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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