I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
