she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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