I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
