Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
