I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
