What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
