If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
