THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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