I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
