I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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