I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
