You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's the barista slut.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
