I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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