So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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