that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
