we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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