Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
