So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
