Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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