First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
