my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
