Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and she was petting her beer can
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
