Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
