you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
