Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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