You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
