i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
