I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
