They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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