im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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