One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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