I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
