I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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