I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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