I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
