just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
