He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
third nipple confirmed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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