One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
