I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
