Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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