so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
