I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
two words: eviction party
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
