VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
