please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
