Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
