So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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