I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
